The "How-To" Post

Good evening, blogger world! I hope that, like myself, you've all had a wonderful week. I had three days off this week, no nanny duties necessary. And yet, I still couldn't help imagining what Miss Cadance was eating (or throwing on the floor) for lunch. The never-ending "la la la la's" of Elmo's Song played on repeat in my head. I could have sworn that I heard Camden doing his whine/cry that means "hey, I'm not really upset! I just want to be picked up right now and I know I have you wrapped around my little finger!" (I guess it was in my head. Scary.) I suppose, come three months from now, I might possibly be graduated to full-on hallucinations of my kiddos on my off days. I guess that's the price nannies pay. Anyways, without further ado, I give you: The How-To Post. Enjoy.

*How to Freak-Out a 21 month old little girl

It starts with a cockroach. It ends with a cookie.
When I sent little Cadance into her playroom to wait for lunch, she promptly came back out saying, "Gross, BUNTEE!" (yes, she pronounces Brittany as "Buntee." I think it kind of fits.) I have learned, in these 6 weeks, what two things Cadance reserves for the adjective "gross": little pieces of dried, rotting food she finds in the corners of the kitchen and/or stuck to the carpet, or bugs. I prayed for food...but I got a cockroach. This giant bug was lying in the corner right up by the wall. It looked fat. And dead.
"You think its dead?" I asked Cadance.
"Yesh."
I grabbed a little piece of toilet paper to pick it up. First, I blew on it a little just to be certain. That thing did not stir. I thought I was in the clear, until...
IT MOVED! The nasty beast JUMPED up from that toilet paper, scuttling towards my hand and moving its disgusting antenna-things.
How to Freak-Out a 21 month old little girl: Scream extremely loudly and jump around like an idiot, letting the cockroach escape and scuttle down the wall. Chase after it maniacally, shrieking every few seconds until you finally squish it so hard that the guts come shooting out the back. (Disgusting, I know.)
A cookie might be necessary to calm the poor girl down.
Maybe two.

* For the Kiddos: How To Freak-Out the Nanny

It starts with a sneeze. It ends with a near-heart attack.
One day Cadance had a little bit of a runny nose. It seemed normal enough to me. We had a lovely morning of Elmo dance parties, alphabet learning, and a healthy dosage of "No M'ams!!" from Cadance. As we sat down to Cadance's lunch of sliced turkey (which she refuses to eat on a sandwich), mandarin oranges, and a few left-over, "gross" pieces of corn she managed to extract from somewhere in the bowels of that carpet and consume before I could even work out what happened, suddenly she started sneezing. And I don't mean teeny-tiny little girl sneezes. No, these were massive, drawn-out SNEEZES. And they didn't stop. As sneeze after sneeze came rolling out, I began to notice something. Disgusting black goop was beginning to make its way out of Cadance's left nostril. Um...I might not be a pediatrician, but I know that is NOT right.
She kept sneezing. It kept coming. Cue the beginning of Brittany's panic attack. Just as I was frantically wondering whether to call her parents, the doctor or even 911, the massive thing flew into the tissue and she was fine! She giggled and trotted off to dig my sunglasses out of my bag and try, unsuccessfully, to put them on her face.
Cue Brittany's confusion. After a good hour free of any nose-runnage whatsoever, I decided it was safe for her to take a nap.
4 HOUR NAP. Yes, my friends, I am serious. That girl can do some hardcore sleeping.
All was well with the world until around 4:30, when she woke up and made me dance to the Elmo song for the hundredth time. Half-way through a spin, it started again.
The sneezes.
The black stuff.
Brittany's near heart attack.
How to Freak Out your Nanny:
Stick some black fuzzy stuff from the carpet FAR up your nose in the morning right before your nanny arrives. Spend the whole day sneezing it out, convincing your nanny that you have some sort of horrible disease.
Your mother, after examining the tissue, will have to promise your nanny that "Oh, everything is fine! She's done this twice before."
A cookie might be necessary when the nanny returns home.
Heck, maybe half a bag.

* How to Convince an almost 2 year old to take a nap when she REALLY is not having it:
1. Your mommy will be so proud!
2. You get to wake up and watch Elmo some more!
3. You can have more juice when you wake up!
4. If you sleep, your mommy will be here when you wake up!
5. You can play with Braden (little 17 month boy who lives behind them) when you wake up!
6. If you don't sleep, you will feel SO tired.
7. You can have a cookie when you wake up.

How they work:
1. Never.
2. Occasionally.
3. Never.
4. Might just result in chanting of "Mommy comin, Mommy comin."
5. Pretty successful, but only if the play-date will actually happen. Otherwise you are lying. Which is sad.
6. Fat chance.
7. ALWAYS. But use sparingly.

Well, there you have it. I'm off to dream-land to prepare for another day in the life of a nanny. Tomorrow we get left-over Chicken Fettuccine for lunch. Oh yes.
Until the next entry in the Non-Fiction Nanny Diaries, I bid you all adieu.
Stay tuned.

The Non-Fiction Nanny Diaries

I'm back! I know it has been a terribly long time...what can I say, I sort of fail at blogging. However, I am at home again now, so I do think I will have to start blogging more often in order to maintain sanity.
Why am I home, you may ask?
I shall answer. I GRADUATED COLLEGE.
WHAT?!
Seriously. After four long years at MC, I donned that hideous bag of a black robe, that lovely square hat, and made my way to the stage to receive my diploma. I could go out and conquer the world! I could do ANYTHING!
The only question was...what did I WANT to do? By that time, all of the deadlines for grad school had passed. My mind was already on overdrive from the insane level of school work I had to complete to graduate (the numerous Monsters I coupled with coffee probably didn't do too much to improve my brain, either).
Needless to say, I decided that taking a year off would be the best choice. After a busy summer of working at Art Camp again (I will not be watching the movie Alice In Wonderland for a LONG time to come), traveling back and forth for weddings, bachelorette parties, and other shindigs, I ended up back at home.
Home, home, home. I wasn't sure I could handle living at home after being used to the freedom of college, but after being here a few weeks, I think it will be nice. My poor head needed a break; and frankly, I needed some direction. I let myself get a little lost my last semester of college. I think this year will be so beneficial for me. I can get back on track, relax a little, and have time to find out where God will lead me next in this adventure called life!
You may be wondering about the title of this here blog post. Well, did you think I'd be sitting at home all day? No, thanks, I don't want to turn into that creeper who stays at home in their parents' basement in pajamas eating cereal all day watching soap operas. (I'm sorry if this is you, reader...I'm sure you'll get a job soon.)
Indeed, I got a nanny job for the year! It's actually perfect. My mom and I can carpool (she nannies in the same neighborhood, right behind me actually), and its something easy to do that pays well, enabling me to focus on researching/visiting grad schools and all that fun stuff.
And so. A new idea for my blog was born.
This year I will treat all of you to the Non-Fiction Nanny Diaries. (Yes, I did read the fictional book, found it hilarious.) My updates will be full of my escapades as a nanny. (Oh you KNOW you're excited.) I started 2 weeks ago, and it has already been a trip. My charges are 20 month old Cadence and her 3 month old brother, Camden. Cadence is extremely smart for her age. She knows her colors, part of the alphabet, and how to scream "NO M'AM!" in my face when I try to get her to take a nap. Camden is a little chunky darling who burps like a full grown man after chugging his bottles and likes to surprise me with explosive (and I do mean this literally) dirty diapers.
I'm sure our adventures will be highly entertaining for you all.
Stay tuned.

"You're Holding Your Chopsticks All Wrong"

I'm back! I realize it has, again, been a ridiculous amount of time since my last update. I apologize to those of you who were languishing in torment, waiting for my next update and longing to know what's been happening in my life lately. You can take your dark hoodies off and venture into the daylight now.
Alright. Life has been crazy this year so far, and it has only been a month! I have been wading through my FINAL semester of college for two weeks now, and with each passing day life feels more surreal. Time really is a beast...it seems like just yesterday I was a naive little freshman.
Ahh, the joys of not having to make massive, gigantor life decisions! For a soon to be graduating college senior, there is one question that can either strike frenzied excitement/boasting or utter fear and stuttering. "What are you doing after graduation?"
DUN DUN DUN!!! My favorites are the liars. They say, "Oh, grad school, you know..." casting their eyes around in feebly disguised panic. These people are really saying, "I have NO IDEA!!"
Don't worry, I'm not judging; I completely understand this. I am so sick of people saying, "Oh, you're an English major?" *confused look* "What are you going to do with that?" I sometimes automatically answer with "Grad School."
What is my true answer to this question, you may wonder?
Honestly: I'm not entirely sure. Yes, I have applied to Graduate School at the University of Alabama, but will I end up there? Perhaps, if they like my portfolio and can overlook my tendency to struggle with deadlines...
Do I want to end up there? Now that is the true question. For the past year, I've been feeling a new passion develop inside my soul. Don't get me wrong--I'll always have a passion for writing; it's a part of me.
But I've been tutoring in the writing center for two years, and I finnd myself drawn to the ESL students. I absolutely adore them all; I love helping them understand and grow in English. I love cultivating friendships with international students, learning about their cultures. People who view them as just "outsiders," "foreigners," etc. are missing out. You can meet some beautiful people if you let go of your prejudices and stereotypes.
Back to the point--this little seed in my soul of interest for ESL has grown into a full blown, insatiable passion. I am getting my ESL certification this semester, and I feel a tugging at my soul to USE it.
And one culture in particular has begun to capture my heart; you may be surprised at which one.
I have become good friends with two wonderful girls from South Korea who are studying here for a year. I've been learning so much about their culture through food, television, language, and so forth.
Today I went to their Korean church. One word: Amazing. The people were wonderful and friendly; the food was delicious; the language was beautiful. And the love for God in that place was so REAL. Standing in that sanctuary, my English words blending with their Korean voices in genuine worship, I felt goosebumps.
This is how life should be, and this is how heaven will be--People of all tongues, tribes, and nations praising God together in unity.

So. Though I am by NO means a South Korean expert (I apparently use chopsticks in a form that is all my own and never seen before by the world...), I am learning so much. I am feeling something brewing inside, and it both excites and scares me.
Will I end up in South Korea teaching English?
There is a good chance that God could be calling me there.
However, Grad School is still hovering, too.

Instead of stressing over these options and my future, I've put in squarely in God's hands. Is it difficult? Of course it is. But I know my God's going to prepare a place for me that's exactly where I'm meant to be, and He'll guide me right to it.
Whether I end up at U of A first, or whether I start an adventure in South Korea or even another country, bad chopstick-form and all, I know God's going to be there before me, and He'll be there with me.

So if you need me, you'll find me here at MC, living every second of this closing phase of my life to the fullest.
Or I could be in my dorm room, practicing picking up pieces of popcorn with chopsticks and reciting Korean words to the air.